Let me illustrate a situation. You wake up at four in the morning to start milking your cows, and on the way you pass by your lovely blueberry field, when a group of sleep-deprived high schoolers run by, lobs a grenade at your blueberry field, escapes via a getaway car, and drives all the way to Mexico, never to be seen again. Now, thousands of dollars worth of Michigan blueberries are burning before your eyes. Is this situation familiar? Of course it is. Many blueberry farmers often experience this type of torment because they have made the mistake of not armoring the areas surrounding the area of land around the blueberries, which is an invitation for disaster. Don’t worry, because today I’m going to show you how to modify your farm and blueberries to successfully repel hoards of people.
To start, you’ll want to weaponize your blueberries. Hire a scientist to make your blueberries fire proof, so that no grenade can ever harm them again. You could also ask said scientist to add a nerve agent into the blueberries. This is recommended if you live near a big city, or if you live in proximity to your local thief. Next, you’ll want to turn your lovely farm into a fortress of steel.
There are many ways you can fortify your farm. You could build moats and walls around it, or you could lure the gremlins to the old loon’s house down the road who refused to lend you farming equipment.
To turn your farm into a medieval castle, build a wall of concrete that is at least 59 feet in height, and at least 7 feet in thickness. Then, stick some machine guns on the top of the wall, as well as some anti-aircraft guns. By doing this, all attacks will be repelled. But if you can’t sell enough blueberries and foods to pay for it, the next one might be for you.
If you are too poor to turn your farm into a fortress, simply move out of your farm and become a social recluse until you are ripe and old. Make sure that your old farm is left in a state of decay, and that at least one person dies in it. Then, get someone to start spreading bad rumors about you to the communities nearby. While this is happening, put a bunch of warning signs around your house and develop a sour personality. After this, no one will ever want to approach you or your precious blueberries. You can now wake up at three in the morning to milk your cows and pass by your blueberry field without having to worry about lunatics throwing grenades at it.